>_>I've suddenly gone silent

About Me

This is a secret journal that hides my deepest thoughts!
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October 11th, 2004

Response to MWAH!

Posted by suddenleesilent at 04:21 PM on October 11, 2004.

I LOVE YOU JEF!! That's all I want to say!! soo...

I LOVE YOU JEF!!
I LOVE YOU JEF!!
I LOVE YOU JEF!!

~Kelli~

Can I tell you a secret?

I found my Rose

Posted by suddenleesilent at 12:22 PM on October 11, 2004.

A relationship is like a rose, how long it lasts no one knows. Love can erase an awful past. Love can be your's you'll see at last. To feel that love it makes you sigh. To have it leave, you'd rather die. You hope you've found that special rose, cause you love and care for the one you chose.

Wow.. Last night was great!! I spent I think maybe between 4 and 5 hours on the phone with Jef, even if half the time we were quiet. I just like knowing that he is connected to me somehow! I love him soo much! I can't put into words the feelings I have for him!

And I made a christmas list! Here it is:

1. Miss Congeniality- Movie
2. Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban- Movie and Comp. Game.
3. Viola- 15-16”
4. An orange belt. (Double hole metal)
5. A trip to see Jef
6. Hidalgo- Movie
7. 50 First Dates- Movie
8. Paycheck- Movie
9. Yellow High Top Converses- Size 6
10. Guitar Stand
11. Green Scarf and Gloves. This Color Green!
12. New Fleece blanket (ya know, since mine went “missing”)
13. A Baritone (aka a euphonium)
14. A new portable cd player
15. Burnable CD’s
16. New colored pencils
17. A music carrying case
18. Green Care Bear Hoodie (1st choice) Any care bear hoodie.


Number 5 is obviously the one I want the most!! I'd do anything for that! Welp, not much more to say. I love you Jef!!

~Kelli~

Can I tell you a secret?

October 10th, 2004

Schtuff

Posted by suddenleesilent at 01:32 PM on October 10, 2004.

Ok so this morning i woke up really late for a sunday.. aka mom wants to kill! I woke up at 10:40 or around there and my sister didn't wake up until 10:45 or around there so we couldn't make it to church and my mom was pissed.. she still is!

She got mad because my brother had 2 phones in his room and I had one because I was talking to Jef until 11:30 and I didn't want to disturb people upon going downstairs. But my brother got all of the phones this morning!! can you say GRR!!?? so who does she get mad at? me!!! ugh! lol ok enough of that! lol

SO today I am just laying around!! happy fun fun!!

La coocaracha!!
I am the queen!!
But I am an angel!
I am a pimp master daddy!!
I have to get off of here!!

Love ya Jef!!

~Kelli~

Can I tell you a secret?

October 9th, 2004

A couple of notes

Posted by suddenleesilent at 09:00 PM on October 9, 2004.

Paranoia sucks!

I figured out the whole universe thing. (aka the big bang is a hoax)

I hate certain people's parents.

I love my little green and yellow froggy!

Making french fries and chips takes over an hour.

Watching movies that are sex oriented can really make u horny or want to have sex! (haha inside joke)

Hot tubs in the dark= a lot of fun!

"I don't want to die and get sucked up into the sky" "That won't happen.. you'll get sucked up into the sky THEN you'll die!"

Magic 8 balls hate me and don't want me to get married, have kids, or even have a boyfriend

Doing Alyssa's hair is fun.

I am a "conservative" dresser.

The research topic I am doing has a lot of sources!

Feeling lonely sucks.. (when i'm lonely.. I just open up in Solfeggio)

On that note,

Solfeggio can still fix ANYTHING!

I love you Jef

~Kelli~
Currently listening to: John Armstrong: Solfeggio
Currently reading: Patricia McCormick: Cut
Currently feeling: pensive

1 heard my secret

October 7th, 2004

SURVEY!!

Posted by suddenleesilent at 06:10 PM on October 7, 2004.

-- UNIQUE --
1. Nervous Habits? Rubbing my hands together, rubbing my arm.. idk all of em lol
2. Are you double jointed? My elbow
3. Can you roll your tongue? yeppers
4. Can you raise one eyebrow? sorta
5. Can you blow spit bubbles? like away from my mouth like kids at our school? No lol
6. Can you cross your eyes? yes
7. Tattoos? noppers
8. Piercings and where? my ears
9. Do you make your bed daily? haha, if I didn't I wouldn't be filling out this survey
-- CLOTHES --
10. Which shoe goes on first? left I think.. unless I am wearing my slip ons.. then it's right
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? haha yes!!
12. On the average, how much money do you carry in your wallet? haha money.. what is this money you speak of?
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? nope, sorry
14. Favorite piece of clothing? ugh!! prolly my "The Who" shirt or any of my tank tops
-- FOOD --
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl it
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? ugh.. Circle C Ranch Eating Contest.. need I say more?
17. Favorite ice cream flavor? carmel cup craze *shivers*
18. How many cereals in your cabinet? a lot.. mostly health.. so I won't eat them
19. What's your favourite beverage? Stewarts Creme Soda
20. What's your favorite restaurant? hmm idk.. Zebbs in buffalo maybe.. oh wait!! Cracker Barrell!
21. Do you cook? as long as I have a recipe I am golden lol
-- GROOMING --
22. How often do you brush your teeth? too often to count now a days
23. Hair drying method? blow dry with a round brush
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? hehe yep
25. Do you swear? oh $h!%!! Does that answer your F@^&#&G Question?
26. Do you ever spit? not really.. only when I brush my teeths!
-- WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE --
27. Animal? hehe Dogs! I love ALL dogs!
28. Food? hmm idk anymore
29. Month? this year? October because I got to see my baby!!
30. Day? any day I am not in school or forced to do anything
31. Cartoon? FAIRLY ODD PARENTS!!
32. Shoe Brand? Converse all the way baby!! Oh.. and my slip on vans
33. Subject in school? Chorus and Band
35. Sport? Soccer and Running and Dancing (yes dancing is a sport! I wanna see you guys pull off half the stuff we do)
36. TV show? Any Cartoon really!
37. Thing to do in the spring? everything!
38. Thing to do in the summer? My goal this summer? Spend as much time with Jef as possible!
39. Thing to do in the fall? go to school, play in the pep band and realise I am almost done with school!!!
40. Thing to do in the winter? hmm.. get out of school.. maybe see a special someone!

-- IN AND AROUND --
41. The CD player? A mix cd
42. Person you talk most on the phone with? Jef by far!!
43. Ever taken a cab? once.. never again!
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows and mirrors? not really.. I don't care how I look on the outside as long as I feel good
45. What colour is your bedroom? ok well.. I think we all know the better question.. WHAT COLOR ISN'T MY BEDROOM!?
46. Do you use an alarm clock? yep, it's called my cell phone and my dad
47. Window seat or aisle? Window so i can lean against it to sleep
-- LA LA LAND --
48. What's your sleeping position? curled into a ball, sprawled on my stomach, or laying on my side with my knees tucked. No matter what I am cuddling with something.
49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket? yep, I always have a blanket
50. Do you snore? i don't think so, everyone tells me I am a quite sleeper
51. Do you sleepwalk? nope

52. Do you talk in your sleep? haha! yes!! full conversations! I can carry conversations with people!
53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yep! The ones Jef got me!
54. How about with the light on? NO!! I mean the hall light I can deal with because people are still up when I pass out.. but aside from that no!

55. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on? haha when I have a sleep over


Well there ya go guys! Stuff to know about me!! YAY!! I had a pretty good day, and aside from my little locker-book incident.. I am good!! Toodles all!!



I love you Jef!!



~Kelli~

Can I tell you a secret?

October 5th, 2004

For research

Posted by suddenleesilent at 07:50 PM on October 5, 2004.

Recent scientific research has indicated that the size of the subgenual prefrontal cortex of the brain (located behind the bridge of the nose) may be a determining factor in hereditary depressive disorders.

(Illustration by Electronic Illustrators Group.)



Definition
Depression or depressive disorders (unipolar depression) are mental illnesses characterized by a profound and persistent feeling of sadness or despair and/or a loss of interest in things that were once pleasurable. Disturbance in sleep, appetite, and mental processes are a common accompaniment.

Description
Everyone experiences feelings of unhappiness and sadness occasionally. But when these depressed feelings start to dominate everyday life and cause physical and mental deterioration, they become what are known as depressive disorders. Each year in the United States, depressive disorders affect an estimated 17 million people at an approximate annual direct and indirect cost of $53 billion. One in four women is likely to experience an episode of severe depression in her lifetime, with a 10-20% lifetime prevalence, compared to 5-10% for men. The average age a first depressive episode occurs is in the mid-20s, although the disorder strikes all age groups indiscriminately, from children to the elderly.

There are two main categories of depressive disorders: major depressive disorder and dysthymic disorder. Major depressive disorder is a moderate to severe episode of depression lasting two or more weeks. Individuals experiencing this major depressive episode may have trouble sleeping, lose interest in activities they once took pleasure in, experience a change in weight, have difficulty concentrating, feel worthless and hopeless, or have a preoccupation with death or suicide. In children, the major depression may appear as irritability.

While major depressive episodes may be acute (intense but short-lived), dysthymic disorder is an ongoing, chronic depression that lasts two or more years (one or more years in children) and has an average duration of 16 years. The mild to moderate depression of dysthymic disorder may rise and fall in intensity, and those afflicted with the disorder may experience some periods of normal, non-depressed mood of up to two months in length. Its onset is gradual, and dysthymic patients may not be able to pinpoint exactly when they started feeling depressed. Individuals with dysthymic disorder may experience a change in sleeping and eating patterns, low self-esteem, fatigue, trouble concentrating, and feelings of hopelessness.

Depression can also occur in bipolar disorder, an affective mental illness that causes radical emotional changes and mood swings, from manic highs to depressive lows. The majority of bipolar individuals experience alternating episodes of mania and depression.

Causes and symptoms
The causes behind depression are complex and not yet fully understood. While an imbalance of certain neurotransmitters, -the chemicals in the brain that transmit messages between nerve cells,- is believed to be key to depression, external factors such as upbringing (more so in dysthymia than major depression) may be as important. For example, it is speculated that, if an individual is abused and neglected throughout childhood and adolescence, a pattern of low self-esteem and negative thinking may emerge. From that, a lifelong pattern of depression may follow.

Heredity does seem to play a role in who develops depressive disorders. Individuals with major depression in their immediate family are up to three times more likely to have the disorder themselves. It would seem that biological and genetic factors may make certain individuals pre-disposed or prone to depressive disorders, but environmental circumstances may often trigger the disorder.

External stressors and significant life changes, such as chronic medical problems, death of a loved one, divorce or estrangement, miscarriage, or loss of a job, can also result in a form of depression known as adjustment disorder. Although periods of adjustment disorder usually resolve themselves, occasionally they may evolve into a major depressive disorder.

Major depressive episode
Individuals experiencing a major depressive episode have a depressed mood and/or a diminished interest or pleasure in activities. Children experiencing a major depressive episode may appear or feel irritable rather than depressed. In addition, five or more of the following symptoms will occur on an almost daily basis for a period of at least two weeks:

Significant change in weight.
Insomnia or hypersomnia (excessive sleep).
Psychomotor agitation or retardation.
Fatigue or loss of energy.
Feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt.
Diminished ability to think or to concentrate, or indecisiveness.
Recurrent thoughts of death or suicidal and/or suicide attempts.
Dysthymic disorder
Dysthymia commonly occurs in tandem with other psychiatric and physical conditions. Up to 70% of dysthymic patients have both dysthymic disorder and major depressive disorder, known as double depression. Substance abuse, panic disorders, personality disorders, social phobias, and other psychiatric conditions are also found in many dysthymic patients. Dysthymia is prevalent in patients with certain medical conditions, including multiple sclerosis, AIDS, hypothyroidism, chronic fatigue syndrome, Parkinson's disease, diabetes, and post-cardiac transplantation. The connection between dysthymic disorder and these medical conditions is unclear, but it may be related to the way the medical condition and/or its pharmacological treatment affects neurotransmitters. Dysthymic disorder can lengthen or complicate the recovery of patients also suffering from medical conditions.

Along with an underlying feeling of depression, people with dysthymic disorder experience two or more of the following symptoms on an almost daily basis for a period for two or more years (most suffer for five years), or one year or more for children:

under or overeating
insomnia or hypersomnia
low energy or fatigue
low self-esteem
poor concentration or trouble making decisions
feelings of hopelessness
Diagnosis
In addition to an interview, several clinical inventories or scales may be used to assess a patient's mental status and determine the presence of depressive symptoms. Among these tests are: the Hamilton Depression Scale (HAM-D), Child Depression Inventory (CDI), Geriatric Depression Scale (GDS), Beck Depression Inventory (BDI), and the Zung Self-Rating Scale for Depression. These tests may be administered in an outpatient or hospital setting by a general practitioner, social worker, psychiatrist, or psychologist.

Treatment
Major depressive and dysthymic disorders are typically treated with antidepressants or psychosocial therapy. Psychosocial therapy focuses on the personal and interpersonal issues behind depression, while antidepressant medication is prescribed to provide more immediate relief for the symptoms of the disorder. When used together correctly, therapy and antidepressants are a powerful treatment plan for the depressed patient.

Antidepressants Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) such as fluoxetine (Prozac) and sertraline (Zoloft) reduce depression by increasing levels of serotonin, a neurotransmitter. Some clinicians prefer SSRIs for treatment of dysthymic disorder. Anxiety, diarrhea, drowsiness, headache, sweating, nausea, poor sexual functioning, and insomnia are all possible side effects of SSRIs.
Tricyclic antidepressants (TCAs) are less expensive than SSRIs, but have more severe side-effects, which may include persistent dry mouth, sedation, dizziness, and cardiac arrhythmias. Because of these side effects, caution is taken when prescribing TCAs to elderly patients. TCAs include amitriptyline (Elavil), imipramine (Tofranil), and nortriptyline (Aventyl, Pamelor). A 10 day supply of TCAs can be lethal if ingested all at once, so these drugs may not be a preferred treatment option for patients at risk for suicide.

Monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs) such as tranylcypromine (Parnate) and phenelzine (Nardil) block the action of monoamine oxidase (MAO), an enzyme in the central nervous system. Patients taking MAOIs must cut foods high in tyramine (found in aged cheeses and meats) out of their diet to avoid potentially serious hypertensive side effects.
Heterocyclics include bupropion (Wellbutrin) and trazodone (Desyrel). Bupropion should not be prescribed to patients with a seizure disorder. Side effects of the drug may include agitation, anxiety, confusion, tremor, dry mouth, fast or irregular heartbeat, headache, low blood pressure, and insomnia. Because trazodone has a sedative effect, it is useful in treating depressed patients with insomnia. Other possible side effects of trazodone include dry mouth, gastrointestinal distress, dizziness, and headache.

Psychosocial therapy
Psychotherapy explores an individual's life to bring to light possible contributing causes of the present depression. During treatment, the therapist helps the patient to become self-aware of his or her thinking patterns and how they came to be. There are several different subtypes of psychotherapy, but all have the common goal of helping the patient develop healthy problem solving and coping skills.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy assumes that the patient's faulty thinking is causing the current depression and focuses on changing the depressed patient's thought patterns and perceptions. The therapist helps the patient identify negative or distorted thought patterns and the emotions and behavior that accompany them, and then retrains the depressed individual to recognize the thinking and react differently to it. Electroconvulsant therapy
ECT, or electroconvulsive therapy, is usually employed after all therapy and pharmaceutical treatment options have been explored. However, it is sometimes used early in treatment when severe depression is present and the patient refuses oral medication, or when the patient is becoming dehydrated, extremely suicidal, or psychotic.

The treatment consists of a series of electrical pulses that move into the brain through electrodes on the patient's head. ECT is given under general anesthesia and patients are administered a muscle relaxant to prevent convulsions. Although the exact mechanisms behind the success of ECT therapy are not known, it is believed that the electrical current modifies the electrochemical processes of the brain, consequently relieving depression. Headaches, muscle soreness, nausea, and confusion are possible side effects immediately following an ECT procedure. Memory loss, typically transient, has also been reported in ECT patients.

Alternative treatment
St. John's wort (Hypericum perforatum) is used throughout Europe to treat depressive symptoms. Unlike traditional prescription antidepressants, this herbal antidepressant has few reported side effects. Some users may experience high blood pressure, headaches, stiff neck, nausea, and vomiting. As of early 1998, United States clinical trials organized by the National Institute of Mental Health were still in the planning phase. Its efficacy in severe depression is very uncertain.
Homeopathic treatment can also be very therapuetic in treating depression. Good nutrition, proper sleep, exercise, and full engagement in life are very important to a healthy mental state.

Prognosis
Untreated or improperly treated depression is the number one cause of suicide in the United States. Proper treatment relieves symptoms in 80-90% of depressed patients. After each major depressive episode, the risk of recurrence climbs significantly-50% after one episode, 70% after two episodes, and 90% after three episodes. For this reason, patients need to be aware of the symptoms of recurring depression and may require long-term maintenance treatment of antidepressants and/or therapy.

Prevention
Patient education in the form of therapy or self-help groups is crucial for training patients with depressive disorders to recognize symptoms of depression and to take an active part in their treatment program. Extended maintenance treatment with antidepressants may be required in some patients to prevent relapse. Early intervention with children with depression is effective in arresting development of more severe problems.





http://www.ehendrick.com/healthy/000410.htm

Can I tell you a secret?

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